All About...

The path of the wounded healer.

Hello, and let me introduce myself as the other half of Knixter. My name is Nicola and here is my story.. For as long as I can remember I have held a passion for the arts - both the creative and the mystical, so it is no wonder that you find me here today, pursuing this path. But it's been a long and rocky journey that has brought me to this point.

I was a quiet, creative and curious child, and when I wasn't crafting or creating fantastical worlds for my dolls to live in, I was sat pondering the mysteries of the world. I loved to ask questions of religion and theology and was fascinated by the many wonders that lay beyond the physical world.

At the age of twelve I came upon my first deck of tarot cards and excitedly took them into school to give readings for my fellow classmates. Over the next few years my fascination for topics such as astrology and tarot grew stronger as I found myself torn between my love and desire for the mystical arts, and my love for God and the ideals being taught to me at the local church and youth Alpha group which I regularly attended with my friends. Although this was a time filled with wonderful loving experiences, I always felt that something was missing. I constantly looked outward as I searched for answers and a way to stave off the impending darkness that crept ever closer.

My mid to late teens would be fraught with depression, anxiety and self harm.

Despite studying Art and Design at college, I found myself moving away from the things I used to love, and instead of getting on with my studies, I opted to spend my days hanging out and partying with my friends.

It was during this time at the tender age of 17, I met someone who would change my life permanently, and at 18 I became pregnant. This pregnancy in many ways saved me as I felt the unconditional love that only a parent could understand. Unfortunately, I also found myself in a violent and abusive relationship. The experiences of the next few years would beat me down and my sensitive soul found itself surrounded by an ever threatening darkness that I struggled to see a way out of. As my confidence, my friends and my self esteem dwindled away, I began to long for something more. It was at the age of 21 that a little book called 'The art of practical spirituality' by Elizabeth Claire Prophet landed on my lap and I discovered meditation for the first time.

Those first tentative steps helped me to find my path, and at a time when I was surrounded by those who would mock my journey, I travelled it alone. I would like to say that when I finally found the courage to leave that abusive relationship at the age of 22 that things would improve, but as I moved out of one violent relationship, I found myself in another more dangerous than the last, and the series of events that followed would shatter my entire existence. As my world broke apart, and all of the hard work I had put into my healing came undone, I truly hit rock bottom, my depression worse than ever. My self-esteem none existent.

From here the only way was up.

Finally, at the age of 23 I moved with my two small children to live in the Middle East. I was greatly impacted by the beautiful uplifting sound of the muezzin calling the people to prayer 5 times a day, and inspired by the love and devotion shown by those around me for their love of God. Over the next few years I would slowly begin to rediscover myself, finding my way back to my love of art, creativity and spirituality. Bit by bit I worked my way out of the grips of the anxiety and depression that had once plagued me, and I began to get to know myself again and most importantly, to love myself. One by one, shifts began to happen and that light started to shine just a little bit brighter. I began to imagine a better life, releasing the things which were no longer in alignment with that vision. I began making jewellery, looking into psychology, and even studying counselling at my local college. Finally the world seemed less bleak and that imagination and belief in the beauty of the universe began to return. My passion for life was coming back! In 2013 at the age of 28 I met my now husband and Knixter collaborator James Fletcher. Here I found someone who shared my passions and understood my journey. Not long into our relationship he introduced me to Reiki, another experience that would change my life - this time for the better.

In 2019 James and I got married beside a fire in the middle of a field in Kent, at a festival led by two wonderful friends. And so began the next phase of our journey together.

Spiritually, physically and mentally, the momentum began to build as our vision for Knixter became clearer and clearer, as did my purpose in this world. Although, no doubt, my journey is far from complete, I am ready to share my story and to assist you on your own journey of self-healing, self-development and ultimately your own self empowerment.

Finally I have begun to understand my journey... and my destination.